First Loves

Where do you draw the line?

The problem with 'first' things, is that everything is new. You don't know how to react, what to do, you just have to go with it. When do you stop just going with it? When do you make up your own way to deal with it?

First kisses

They are some of my worst memories! I feel like I stuttered over them. One guy was kissing me and I never kissed him back. (In my defence, he kissed like a dead cold fish.) When thing's have gotten to the stage where you'd rather avoid them than kiss them, you've got issues! I got into the swing of things with the next guy I started kissing. Our kisses were electric and we immediately knew how to handle things. We'd kiss any chance we got! We were just so good at it! Then my next boyfriend didn't know how to kiss at all and I had to train him to kiss better. He's either better now, or I'm worse. (I hope its not the latter.)

 Can you ever be friends with past loves?

Is it always going to be awkward and uncomfortable with past loves? They're the people you can't fit into your world anymore. They don't have a place under like, dislike, its more disconnected, disinterested. They're the people you miss but would feel uncomfortable being around. The people you avoid eye contact with in the middle of a street. All the words and things shared, which once broke down barriers, has created barriers to keep you apart. You can never really take back the things you've said and done, you just have to learn to live with the consequences.

Do you ever stop loving past loves?

Have you ever found yourself thinking, 'what would've happened if I had stayed with...?'. There is literally no point in asking yourself that. You could've saved millions of lives or you could've become a 'before' picture in a local magazine. You just end up torturing yourself for what could've been.

The flipping and the dancing your heart does for new loves is amazing, but is it worth it? When you see your first loves anywhere, you will get the same flipping and dancing. It reminds you of the pain the relationship brought and the love and passion, it makes you want them back. Regardless of when or where you see your past love, you will always feel something towards them, do you ever stop loving past loves? Do they ever stop loving you?

Why is everyone cursed with bumping into old flames again? Is it really such a small world?

It's always the typical scenarios: 

• You've just had a bad break-up and he's happily married with a family. 
• It's washing day and all you're pretty clothes are getting clean and dry at home and you've not bothered making much of an effort.
• You've gained weight since the break-up, he takes that as a compliment to how good he was for you.
• You're with some stranger and you don't particularly want to be associated with them. 
• You embarrass yourself, but really, that was bound to happen at some point

Difficult choices make for interesting conversations.

 As of recent, there have been many choices to make in my life, regarding love. What to do when an old flame from ages ago, tells you they still love you? What to do when it comes to vaccationing with the people you love? What to do when your love surprises you? 

I'm still searching for all the answers I need. This makes for a very busy and confused mind. 

Rose D.