First Loves

Where do you draw the line?

The problem with 'first' things, is that everything is new. You don't know how to react, what to do, you just have to go with it. When do you stop just going with it? When do you make up your own way to deal with it?

First kisses

They are some of my worst memories! I feel like I stuttered over them. One guy was kissing me and I never kissed him back. (In my defence, he kissed like a dead cold fish.) When thing's have gotten to the stage where you'd rather avoid them than kiss them, you've got issues! I got into the swing of things with the next guy I started kissing. Our kisses were electric and we immediately knew how to handle things. We'd kiss any chance we got! We were just so good at it! Then my next boyfriend didn't know how to kiss at all and I had to train him to kiss better. He's either better now, or I'm worse. (I hope its not the latter.)

 Can you ever be friends with past loves?

Is it always going to be awkward and uncomfortable with past loves? They're the people you can't fit into your world anymore. They don't have a place under like, dislike, its more disconnected, disinterested. They're the people you miss but would feel uncomfortable being around. The people you avoid eye contact with in the middle of a street. All the words and things shared, which once broke down barriers, has created barriers to keep you apart. You can never really take back the things you've said and done, you just have to learn to live with the consequences.

Do you ever stop loving past loves?

Have you ever found yourself thinking, 'what would've happened if I had stayed with...?'. There is literally no point in asking yourself that. You could've saved millions of lives or you could've become a 'before' picture in a local magazine. You just end up torturing yourself for what could've been.

The flipping and the dancing your heart does for new loves is amazing, but is it worth it? When you see your first loves anywhere, you will get the same flipping and dancing. It reminds you of the pain the relationship brought and the love and passion, it makes you want them back. Regardless of when or where you see your past love, you will always feel something towards them, do you ever stop loving past loves? Do they ever stop loving you?

Why is everyone cursed with bumping into old flames again? Is it really such a small world?

It's always the typical scenarios: 

• You've just had a bad break-up and he's happily married with a family. 
• It's washing day and all you're pretty clothes are getting clean and dry at home and you've not bothered making much of an effort.
• You've gained weight since the break-up, he takes that as a compliment to how good he was for you.
• You're with some stranger and you don't particularly want to be associated with them. 
• You embarrass yourself, but really, that was bound to happen at some point

Difficult choices make for interesting conversations.

 As of recent, there have been many choices to make in my life, regarding love. What to do when an old flame from ages ago, tells you they still love you? What to do when it comes to vaccationing with the people you love? What to do when your love surprises you? 

I'm still searching for all the answers I need. This makes for a very busy and confused mind. 

Rose D.

When will you learn?

I have come to the amazing (but yet quite obvious) discovery that men will forever take for granted the women that they are with. I put up with so much but there are lines that men like to overstep.

This list could take a WHILE:

(Disclaimer, if you're a guy and you don't particularly want to know what you're doing wrong, just skip by this post, completely unaffected.)

• Leaving the toilet seat up and pubes on the toilet seat, is on par with leaving dirt pf any kind anywhere.
• Never cleaning up after yourself. Yes, dressing up as a sexy maid could be fantastic, but that doesn't mean I get to put things away for you or go around correcting everything you do wrong.
• Leaving cups all around the place. (This could count for some girls too. My sister used to.)
• Having splodges of food on their shirts, jeans, faces, etc. No one wants to cuddle a sticky man-child.
•  Those weird unpleasant smells they carry around with them. (Is it unclean hair? Dirty bottom? Unwashed genitals? The mysterious black dirt under their nails? B.O.? A combination of everything they're doing wrong?
• Shuffling. (Oh gosh.) It's beyond irritating if you have a blanket or something somewhere and they sit on it and it ends up on the floor or rammed into difficult places. (Be wary of those people, they're the ones who are more likely to get sand in your sandwiches at the beach!)
• Never coming through with previously said things. (Oh we remember the things you've said sometimes, and we know that the likelihood of seeing evidence is unlikely. E.g. where is that jumper you said I could have?)
• Not shaving. (We don't particularly want to kiss a guy with his own face-bush, or downstairs area forest. Leg hair you can keep, even armpit hair! Just please, keep that area clean shaven and smooth! If you're just a little behind in keeping up, we'll excuse you, just don't keep it unpleasant!)
• Stubbornness. (We can be wrong, we know we can be. But (depending on the person) we don't want you to continue to go one about it. We don't like admitting we're wrong so please, to save us our dignity brush off the win and don't make us want to punch you! Celebrating your win will earn you the prize of sleeping on the sofa! Lucky you!)
• Doing stuff before we ask you. (Why do we have to ask you? Love us brilliant things!)
• Keep the romance going! Don't just give up when you've got us! (Don't make valentine's day, our birthday and Christmas, the only day you show any sort of consideration or love! If it gets to the point where we have signals about certain things I don't want to have to deal with, so we don't actually have to talk about them, the romance is dead and so am I!)
• Listen. (What we're talking about actually does make perfect sense, if only you would pay attention! Getting confused and blaming it on us because you didn't understant isn't a valid enough reason to be stupid. Listen in the first place and we won't have this problem!)
• Try hard. (We aren't made of iron! We don't want to be the only thing hold this relationship up!)
• Be easy enough to contact. (We don't want ringing your house, to be the only method of contact. You can't take a phone connected with wires everywhere you go.)
• Don't choose another woman over us. (We are territorial as hell! We will bite her head off and then yours.)
• Don't make up ridiculous lies. (It then means we won't trust you one bit. We're actually more likely to leave you!)
• Muscle is better than being thin when it comes to boys. (I know I'd prefer a man who could lift me into his arms. Floating is better than walking every time!)
• Don't try and get off with every girl, or call every girl 'baby'. (You'll seem like a pervert or a player or, depending on how old the girls are, a paedophile!
• Don't call a woman 'babe'. (Stay away from that nickname, we are not prize pigs.)
• Don't try and pull a move on a girl who just wants to hang out with a few friends. (You'll just make it awkward for everyone.)
• Don't get back together with ex's, they are gone for a reason. (If you go back with them because of guilt or any reason other than love then its not worth it and your friends will view you as weak and unable to break away from settling.)
• Don't tell us you love us if you're with someone else.
• Don't expect us to leave the person we're with if you tell us you love us. (You'd just be planting a seed of doubt and you'd be wrecking a relationship!)
• Don't get weird if we text you back like you wanted us to.
• Don't talk to us as if we're on this earth to play with.
• Know the difference between cute and creepy when you're talking to us.
• Don't do things just because you think it will be easier. It won't.
• You cannot talk your way out of everything.
• Don't use us to make someone else jealous.
• We'll like you more if you can spell and enunciate properly.

I'm now too tired to continue. Maybe another day *yawn*

Rose D.

And so the game begins.

Welcome to your new home.

A new time is within reach, well actually, just outside my grasp. I'm clearly not running hard enough to get to the stage where anything is within my reach.

I'm on less medication and less constantly drowsy- hence why I post on this blog at such a late hour. Less medication = more energy to do all sorts of exciting things.

Why have I created a new blog?

Well, truthfully, to remove myself from the increasing bagage I'd somehow accumulated.

It became less fun to be around, like a sleepy old relative.

Couldn't you just get rid of the junk on your old blog?

I want it to remain in a state of motionless history. 

I'm a different person than who I was when I started that blog, theres no real point in continuing that. It's not something I'm ashamed of, and to put it simply, it has no connection to my life anymore. 

What's going to happen to this blog?

Hopefully... a lot.

Rose D.